Only if
by fra235
Summary: our hands touch, our eyes lock, the words are superfluous and breaths becomes short. The world around us disappears, the elevator cab disappears , the boring music in the hallway disappears , the cheap carpet of the hotel disappears...


AUTOR: fra235  
TITLE: Only if…  
RATING: K+  
CATEGORIA: Romance  
WARNING: /  
PAIRING: Rossi / JJ  
SPOILERS: 7x07  
DISCLAIMER: Criminal Minds is not mine.

PROMPT: WelcomeSpringContest! For CriminalMIndsItalianForum

Platonic Love – Petunia– Rossi/JJ

NOTE: Special thanks to HGRHfan35

and Faith On Mars Enjoy

I am over 50 years old and I'm here to observe a woman while she's reading the goodnight tale to her  
son. Without having the courage to be at her side and comfort her.  
I see in her the fight between the love for her son, and the remains of her love story with  
Will.  
I want to tell her everything will be fine, the storm will lose the intensity and we can go back home  
soon. But, at the same time, I want to tell her not to go back to Will. He will only hurt her more.  
Hotch watches me; he knows what I'm thinking.  
He knows, I want to hold her, comfort her.  
He knows, I want to be her friend, I need to live that feeling as platonic love, not as a passionate love.  
And while I watch her catch a tear running down her cheek, while she's reading the goodnight  
tale to her son, I stand up and leave the room. I go out on to the street to smoke a cigar, hoping to push away these thoughts  
*

I am crying, because I miss my baby. I want to be there with him, in a hospital to fight his fever with him, I am here instead. Once again the job takes me away from him.  
Talking to Will, fighting with him, makes me feel sick, it destroys me a little more with every day that passes.  
I admit, in front of Henry, that things are regular. In reality, Will and I don't talk anymore.  
The words become insults and the voices rise until we are both yelling.  
I want to find the courage to take my son and leave him. But I know it is not fair.  
He is a good father, but the feeling, the love is over, I'm almost sure he has been seeing other women.  
And weirdly enough, I cannot say that I am jealous, I have been thinking about another man, too.  
Is it betrayal to think about another man? Or is it the desire to move on?  
In all this mess in my mind, the man who "visits" my thoughts is Dave.  
The man who wanted me back in the team as a Profiler, the man who was at my  
side after the "death" of Emily, and the man who didn't blame me, when he discovered I  
knew…  
Sometimes, I force myself not to look at this man, a man that may be too old for me, but I know what  
he can give to me, he can teach me to grow, emotionally and psychologically.  
I watch him from inside the police station, while he lights a cigar outside, in the storm. And I must smother those thoughts, those desires that fill me up, a little more every time I see him.

I need to be strong enough to classify this feeling as platonic love, there are so many reasons why this feeling should not become a passionate love. I feel destroyed.

I move away from the window to go and talk about statistics with Emily and Reid. My eyes are red because of my tears, Emily moves over and hugs me without asking why I'm crying . As we decide to call it a night, I walk away with Emily and Morgan and Rossi drives us to the hotel.  
Outside the elevator, our hands touch, our eyes lock, the words are superfluous and breaths becomes short.  
The world around us disappears, the elevator cab disappears , the boring music in the hallway disappears , the cheap carpet of the hotel disappears...  
Dave's lips move, but I don't hear the sound. . .Only an angry Morgan brings us back to reality, asking what happened.  
It's almost midnight, and finally the storm quiets.  
I'm lost in my mind, watching the news on TV, watching the relentless rain pouring down in the light coming from the street.  
A light knock brings me to reality.  
I'm surprised to see Dave at my hotel door, two cokes and a Jack Daniels in his hands, and  
petunias.

*  
I show up at her door with two cokes, a bottle of Jack, and a bunch of flowers that I bought  
in the hotel lobby.  
I saw her crying earlier, I saw how hurt she felt back at the police station, and then infinite seconds in the  
hallway…  
I need to know if she feels what I feel.  
I don't understand why, I've bought flowers for her! I bought the last bunch of flowers for a woman in 1989.

I'm silent when she opens the door. My brain is empty, I feel out of breath…  
At last I find the words. "The storm became nearly non-excitant and tomorrow we can go back home to DC. That's good news!" I say, raising my hands holding the Jack and Cokes.  
She smiles and steps back, letting me in.  
We are relaxing and in no time we're barefoot and crossed legged on the bed, talking.  
When the situation runs away from me, she tries to tickle me, but I'm stronger and pinning  
her on the bed.  
The world stops…. Again! Everything stops, waiting for us to move…  
Slowly I lay my lips on hers in a gentle kiss, but my logical mind (fucking logic) stops me and I  
jump to my feet.  
"I… I'm….sorry" I mumble.  
I put my socks in my pants pocket and slip on the shoes.  
I step outside, going back to my own hotel room.

What just happened with Dave, has surprised me. And he ran away!  
I text him "Don't leave!" but he doesn't answer back. I feel sad but know I will have to let this be, for now.

One month has passed and we have finally talked.  
The feeling between us is strong, and real.  
But I'm confused, the situation with Will is not easy.

But I don't want to run away from Will and throw myself into Dave's arms.  
I need to face Will and face reality, and then walk towards the person who loves me, and whom I  
love.  
Dave and I are so close now.  
Sometimes we meet with a Jack and Coke to talk.  
Like two good friends.  
Our love is platonic love….


End file.
